chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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