benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
