Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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