meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
