I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
