Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
