does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
