I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
