My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
