drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
