I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
