i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
