You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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