where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
