I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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