She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
