My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
