Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
