i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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