Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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