uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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