Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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