my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
