Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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