Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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