Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
