I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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