Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
