I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Can Purell be used as lube?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
