I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
