He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
