I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
