she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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