First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize