I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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