I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
