haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
