she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
