someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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