If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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