I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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