There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
