Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
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She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
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I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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