I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
