is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
