i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
