I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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