this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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