Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
