Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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