the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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