my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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