I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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