Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
