Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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