I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
