I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
