Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
