end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
